What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
