Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
please don't ironically join a cult
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