My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
