she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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