My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize