Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
