I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We're not piercing ourselves today.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
