Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
