He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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