Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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