Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
