I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
