do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
