The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
