Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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