2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
