Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
