dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize