TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
