I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
