Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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