i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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