Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
