So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
