I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Randomize
