This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
