i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
