i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
