i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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