i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
