thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
