This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
