my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
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