We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
