Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You can't motorboat a personality
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
