Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
