Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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