I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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