i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I could fuck to npr.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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