did you get engaged???
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
