He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
