it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
