Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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