You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Randomize
