he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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