I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
