What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
