Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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