So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
