I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
