you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
