the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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