I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Soap is not a condiment
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
