My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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