toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i think my mom watched the whole time
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
