i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
