May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
