I'm sorry my penis didn't work
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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