Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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