I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
How's work?
Spinning.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
where are my eyebrows?
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