So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
