Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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