i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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