She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
