we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
