look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
