I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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