Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
