Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
