a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
