at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
