he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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