This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
