Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
